A Concept You Should Know: The Narcissism of Small Differences

There’s an old joke, from Emo Phillips:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

“Well, there’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Well… are you religious?”

He said yes.

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian.”

“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?

“Protestant.”

“Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist”

“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

Like many jokes, this is funny because it’s just a heightened version of something we’ve all dealt with – the hatred between groups that are so similar, except for some tiny details that are focused and blown out of proportion.

The term “narcissism of small differences” refers to a concept introduced by Sigmund Freud, describing the phenomenon where minor, seemingly insignificant differences between people or groups are exaggerated to create a sense of distinct identity and superiority. This often leads to conflict and hostility despite the similarities between the groups or individuals. The term illustrates how minor distinctions can become the focus of intense feelings and rivalries.

This is an essential concept because once one is made aware of it, it starts to appear everywhere. In politics, communities, work, sports rivalries, and even between ethnic groups. Recognizing this in ourselves and others can help tamp down these feelings and move us toward finding common ground. We’re all more the same than we are different. There will always be differences, but understanding and accepting these differences can reduce unnecessary conflicts and foster more harmonious relationships. By focusing on our shared humanity and common goals, we can work together more effectively and build a more inclusive and cooperative society.